After Brian had driven his half-alive brother to Cole's place again he had completely dropped off the face of the earth for a week, in which he had searched for Mira and found the woman, too. Unfortunately he had to learn that she was rather unhappy with him and how her life had been progressing ever since she met him. Brian was a trouble magnet. Mira blamed Brian for the babies being kidnapped and that his ex was the one who actually had them didn't help.
Even though he wasn't really in love with her the older O'Conners heart still shattered into a thousand pieces when she told him that she didn't want him around any more. It was too dangerous. Plain and simple. Unfortunately she was right, too. At least he'd be able to see his kids when he chose to...if nobody followed.
That was about the only thing that held his head above the water when he felt like drowning. Pushed under water by the mother of his kids, whom he barely knew. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. That's not how life was supposed to be. He didn't even attempt to understand what was going on.

It took Brian about ten days to even just drive back to LA and try to go on living somehow. He didn't know how or what would happen, he just functioned. Numb.

When he arrived back in LA he drove past the hospital that Jack had been in earlier. Only now did it occur to him that he didn't even call once to see how his injured brother was holding up, maybe due to Jack's inadequat job choice as a drug dealer that had caused all the trouble in the first place.

Family was family though so Brian dragged his bones to Cole's doorstep to enquire about Jack.
"Is he here? Is he okay?" He asked in a monotone voice. Instead of an answer he got waved in.

Soon he leaned against the door frame to look at the pale face of his brother. "You're still alive. Good." He stated the obvious.

Jack was watching something, he wasn't sure what, on the medium sized flat-screen TV in Cole's guest room, lying slouched against the headboard of the bed, an untouched glass of water standing on the nightstand next to him along with two small pill bottles; one contained antibiotics, the other painkillers. Watching, though, was probably quite an exaggeration for what he was truly doing. Sure, he had the TV on and was staring at the screen that weakly illuminated his face, casting various moving shadows over his tired features, but his mind was miles away.

No one liked to be confronted with their own mortality, especially not someone like him. How easily his life could have been snuffed out and almost had been. He'd always been the reckless type, always taunting fate and getting himself into trouble ever since he was a kid. Being the older brother, Brian had always felt responsible for him and clearly still did... though perhaps after this fiasco, Brian would probably think twice if not thrice before he'd jump into the deep end after his kid brother.

Jack was pulled out of his uncharacteristic dark brooding when the door to the guest room creaked open and the one person he did not want to see poked his head inside.

"You're still alive. Good."

"Yeah, absolutely terrific," he answered, the tone of his voice lacking any hint of enthusiasm while his eyes stayed glued to the screen, still without actually watching what was playing on it. He knew what was most likely coming now; the big brother speech. Fuck, as if he wasn't feeling shitty enough already; not only physically, but mentally as well. You could hide your guilty feelings from others, but you couldn't hide them from yourself...


(OOC: chick flicky enough for ya? )

At first sight Jack looked alright, better than expected actually. The guy had been awefully close to his last breath but except for his pale skin color and the circles under his eyes he didn't look that bad.
Something about him was off though. Where were the sarcasm and the mischieve in his green eyes?
The fact that he didn't even look at Brian told him that his brother was either pissed off because he had dragged him to a hospital or that he was suffering from a seldom case of bad conscience, which was highly unlikely.
Whatever was causing the disrespect didn't interest Brian because he was too wrapped up in his own troubles.

For a moment Brian watched the TV as well wondering what he was even doing here other than seeing that Jack was still alive and maybe tearing him a new one. Right now he didn't even want to do that.
With hanging shoulders he sat down on the small cabinet next to the bed and frowned.
"So you don't have any problems?" It was almost ironical that the guy who caused the whole dilemma may have gotten shot but the one suffering was his brother.
"i guess I might as well..." He cut himself off and suddenly ran his hands over his head and asked. "Happy now? You destroyed my life!"

"So you don't have any problems?"

If Jack had heard the question, he didn't act like it. He didn't move. He didn't look up. He didn't even acknowledge Brian taking a seat on the cabinet next to the bed.

"I guess I might as well... Happy now? You destroyed my life!"

Well that was the straw that almost broke the camel's back.

The shock at Brian's words however, gave way quickly to anger and annoyance, though Jack managed to mask both by a feigned indifference as he still continued to watch the braincell murdering show on the TV like his brother wasn't there. Part of him had wanted to snap back at Brian, but for once in his life he hadn't because, on some level, he knew that it was true.

...partly at least.

"You can blame whatever else you want on me, bro, but you can't blame me for Mira finally leaving your sorry ass. You know it was bound to happen sooner or later; she was just looking for one last excuse to tip the scales. If this hadn't happened, she would have found some other reason. Big or small." Was he poking things that didn't like to be poked? Maybe, but Brian certainly needed to hear a few home truths whether he wanted to right now or not. That said, Jack could have done without being used as a scapegoat by the woman. Even if one more sin to his name would make no difference, he wasn't willing to take responsibility for one that wasn't, for a change, actually his.

Brian's very own problems had weighed him down so much that he hadn't really care so much about teaching his brother a lesson anymore. The guy was a hopeless case anyway. How many times had the ex-cop tried to knock some sense into his younger brother and how many times had he come back with even worse fuck ups? It was time to give up on trying to change him.
That Jack would not feel so much as a hint of remorse for destroying Brian's life was a shock though. Usually he would at least at some stage admit that he'd done wrong. Right now he chose to ignore his older brother and then throw all the blame back in Brian's face, which left him speechless.
"What?" He questioned doubting his hearing abilities. His eyes portrayed the same picture though. Jack, not even turning his head, showing him the cold shoulder after practically saving his life in more than one way.
"You're so out of your mind. Mira was scared shitless because our babies got kidnapped. She wants to stay as far away from me as she can and all the danger I brought upon us by helping your sorry ass." Brian tried to enlighten Jack even though he knew it would fall on deaf ears.

"I don't care what you say but you'd be dead right now if I hadn't helped you but you know what...I'm truly sorry I did. I should have stayed with my kids instead."
His eyes burned right into the side of Jacks temple, who still didn't have the guts to look his brother in the face.
"I don't get you! You have the worst ideas in the world and no conscience whatsoever. You're a waste of anybody's time and efforts."
His words stung but they expressed exactly how he felt about Jack. The guy hurt him in more ways than he'd allow anybody else just because they were related. The worst part about it was that Brian still couldn't tell him to go fuck himself and never show his face again. He would never give up on Jack.

"You're so out of your mind. Mira was scared shitless because our babies got kidnapped. She wants to stay as far away from me as she can and all the danger I brought upon us by helping your sorry ass."

A brief reprieve of uncomfortable silence hung in the air, filled only by the quiet sounds of  mindless chatter from the TV, until Brian said something that actually did strike a nerve with the youngest O'Conner., even if it didn't show on his face right away.

"I don't care what you say but you'd be dead right now if I hadn't helped you but you know what...I'm truly sorry I did. I should have stayed with my kids instead."

Jack wasn't the type to go all pansy. He didn't cry easy... if at all. But now, he found himself blinking back some of the moist forming in his eyes (those were NOT fucking tears... hell no) as Brian's words echoed, replaying themselves over and over in his head while his brother continued to rant.

"I don't get you! You have the worst ideas in the world and no conscience whatsoever. You're a waste of anybody's time and efforts."

"Hey, fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for your opinion, nor did I ask you to come back for me," Jack snapped back instantly, his face turning towards Brian for the first time since he'd entered the room. His expression was angry, eyes wide, and a vein was pulsing in his temple. But then, as quickly as his rage had exploded, Jack reined himself in, the doors behind his eyes slamming shut to hide his emotion, his guilt. Only the guarded expression that remained now belied the truth of what roiled inside.

He was pissed off. He was so damn angry, but he wasn't angry at Brian. God knew he lead a reckless life. And god knew he sometimes tended to drag others into it (though never of his own volition). But those kids, they were never meant to get caught in the crossfire. Nobody was. Clearly Dieseli'd had other ideas on that, and if someone Jack cared about would have gotten killed... that would have been on him no matter who'd pulled the (proverbial) trigger.

"But you're right. And you should have just left me." He didn't specify when Brian should have just left him, at the docks or when he was bleeding out, yet it was there all the same. Not that he was the suicidal or morbid type per se, but if you play with fire the way he does, you know you're bound to get more than a little burned, right?

The frustration, the anger, the fear, all of those emotions had been bottled up inside of Brian for way too long and were now making their way to the surface. This time not in the form of fists flying but words that stung even more. For once in his life he was ready to not only give his brother a piece of his mind but also draw a fucking line.

The way Jack didn't even acknowledge him but kept staring at the TV didn't exactly have a calming effect but when he finally looked at him he had that snody kid look on his face that his brother had always hated. But there was a slight difference to other times. Whatever it was Brian didn't care to find out when Jack finally spoke.
"Hey, fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for your opinion, nor did I ask you to come back for me,"
Jack was just adding fuel to the fire.
"I don't give a damn, you're still going to get my fucking opinion no matter whether you ask for it or not." Brian was fuming.
If he could have blown little white clouds out of his nostrils this would have been the time.
"Damn right, I should have left you!"
It would have been a smart move but unfortunately family affairs weren't always smart. No matter how stupid Jack acted, they'd always be brothers and Brian would always feel a sense of responsibilty towards the young guy. If it was a life or death matter he couldn't let him hang.

Staring right into the other O'Conners eyes the little wheels in his head kept spinning. Brian wanted nothing more than to tell Jack. 'Fuck you and goodbye for good'. As much as he wanted it he couldn't get himself to say the words.
Was there a certain redness, maybe even wetness in Jacks eyes? Nah. That couldn't be. Since when did the guy have a conscience?
The tiny bit of glistening took so much wind out of Brians sails that he gasped instead of spitting fire and blinked twice.
Then his speech changed.
"I'd love to 'just leave you'" He searched for the right words. "but I can't. I don't abandon my own flesh and blood. You might have the brains of a mouse but you're my brother. I can't change that. If you really need help you'll get it...even if it means that you're ruining my life. I can't watch you get killed. Sorry. I'm bound to you. If you want to save me, save yourself. Otherwise we're just both going down." That one last words was so true.
Brian was sorry for helping Jack, sorry for endangering his kids, sorry for Mira kicking him out, sorry for never telling Mia how he really felt, sorry for ....so many other things. Damn shame all those sorries.

"I'd love to 'just leave you'.... but I can't. I don't abandon my own flesh and blood. You might have the brains of a mouse but you're my brother. I can't change that. If you really need help you'll get it...even if it means that you're ruining my life. I can't watch you get killed. Sorry. I'm bound to you. If you want to save me, save yourself. Otherwise we're just both going down."

When the tone of Brian's voice changed, Jack's mask of neutrality fell swiftly back into place almost automatically. He knew all the tricks. All the ways that you could think of to mask what he was truly feeling, to deflect worry and attention away from himself. God, he wanted to punch his brother and break his nose for being the thickheaded numbnuts he was, and then he wanted to hug him and find some sort of way to fix this ever growing Grand Canyon of a rift between them. He did neither though. He could, but he doesn't. Instead, Jack forced himself to put up the coldest facade he could currently manage.

"Are you done yet? If so... get the hell out so I can watch the rest of this damned show in peace," he snarled, sounding convincing even to his own ears despite the fact that he was practically breaking on the inside. He felt like the biggest asshole ever, but it had to be done. Brian had to stop putting his stupid little brother before himself, especially now that he had kids, and what better way was there than to continue to push Brian away in an attempt to cut ties altogether.... right?

Yeah... right...

...Woopty-fucking-do...

Clenching his jaws together and swallowing the onslaught of emotions down, Jack turned his eyes back towards the TV again, pretending to be interested in what was on as he tuned out Brian's presence once more. The sooner his brother realized that this was it for them and left, the better...

((OOC: Sorry for Jack being a jackass. Even though it doesn't seem like it, he means well... ))

Brian needed something from his brother, some hint of remorse, some words to become a better man, some apology, whatever Jack was willing to offer even though it had always been bullshit and would always be.
His life was in the crapper thanks to his brother. So Jack's reaction wasn't anywhere close to what Brian expected nor wanted nor could handle.
Being ignored and told to get the out so he could watch the rest of whatever the fuck was on TV simply ripped whatever feelings he still had for his brother right out of his chest and crushed them into a thousand little pieces.

Even though he wanted to remain calm and collected Brian's jaw almost dropped at so much heartlessness. Even Jack shouldn't be able to be this stone cold.
All he could do was stare at him. Was this really happening? Did he just tell him to get the fuck out after he saved his life?

At that very second Brian was ready to punch Jack's lights out. The anger that mixed with the dissapointment was almost unbearable and could only be satisfied by beating the young sibling into a bloody mess. Instead Brian forced himself to open his fist that had balled by itself somehow and got up.

The disinterest on his brothers face while the lights of the tv show danced on his features were killing him. He had to turn away before things got ugly.
So he struggled to keep breathing evenly, turned away and left the room. He didn't throw the door into its lock but simply walked down the hallway until he was outside.

Only then did he allow himself throw the punch he'd been holding back against the next best tree together with a scream filled with so much bloody anger it must have shaken the whole freaking neighborhood.