Faye left the beach feel refreshed for the first time in three months, actually the first time in longer, but she didn’t wan to sit and dwell on the things she couldn’t actually do, or change, if she did she was going to blow the whole happy attitude out of the window. She had left the house in the middle of the night, with only a note to Jack telling him she was fine, and it was now officially morning, well actually it was closer to dinner time, she knew she had to go home, but she was sure if she did Jack wasn’t gonna be to impressed with her.

Sucking it up she slipped into her car and watched as Walter made his way down the beach, who would have thought, the one man who had destroyed everything she had worked at so hard, could be the one to snap her out of it. Oh there was a long way to go before she could answer the door and say honestly that she wasn’t afraid, but she was no longer afraid of her own shadow, nor of the fact she no longer in charge, she would never allow someone to make her feel weak again.

The car journey was no where near as long as she had hoped it would be, and all to soon she was pulling her car onto the drive, thankfully parking it behind Jack’s evo, she was glad he was still there, and yet at the same time she was no where near ready to deal with whatever shit storm she was about to walk into. She had been kidnapped, taken, and he hadn’t been able to do a damn thing to stop it, and now she just up’s and leaves, again, only this time with a note, whatever mood he was in she wasn’t about to blame him.

Slowly she walked up to the door, her heart beating a mile a minuet, her fingers deliberately searching slowly in her bag, missing her house keys several times, every time she did, and with each passing moment she expected Jack to wrench open the door…Hell he might not even care that she wasn’t there when he woke up.

Finally her fingers wrapped around her keys, knowing that she couldn’t stall this home coming longer. The key rattled in the door and then the lock gave way, locking her jaw she stepped into the house. No matter what things were going to change…today. She loved Jack, she wanted to marry him, but even she could see how far their relationship had come, and most of that was her fault, and her own stupid fears, well no more. She was marrying him, and she was going to be happy, they both were.

“Jack?” She called out, dropping her keys onto the table in the hallway, her head popped around the living room, her dark eyes falling onto Jack,, “Im sorry” She muttered softly, her gaze dropped, mostly in shame for putting him through god knows what, “We need to talk” She draw her lower lip between her teeth, stepping further into the room.

Jack stared intensely at the bottle of Vodka standing on the table in front of him while his hand nervously rubbed over his chin. The seal on the cap was still in tact which meant he hadn't drank a drop, not even when the hours dragged on. Whether that was to prove something to himself or to Faye, when and if she came home, well.. that was still to be debated. But in all honesty, it was getting harder and harder not to drown all misery like he had done many times before.

He couldn't believe she had fucking done this again, and that damned note? What was that supposed to accomplish? She was fine. Yeah, right.. Was that why she had snuck out in the middle of the night..? At least he presumed it had been the middle of the night.. He could take a lot, but after the last three months or so, he was wearing thin on that department.. slowly going crazy it seemed as he smiled wryly at the bottle. Ah, who was he kidding.. she wasn't coming back, and why should she? He obviously couldn't give her the 'normal' she wanted, and he wasn't going to turn in to one of those fools who begged and pleaded to a lost cause. He'd much rather..

He shifted on the couch without giving another thought, moving forward to grab the alcohol he had sworn to himself not to touch. But again, who had he been kidding? The unscrewed cap carelessly flew across the room before he put the bottle to his mouth and tilted his head back, swallowing the clear liquid down like it was plain water. He didn't stop until he heard the front door's lock turn and by then his eyes had already slightly watered from the soft burn in his throat, the bottle down by something close to a third if not half.

"Yeah, 'sorry seems to be the hardest word', huh baby?" He snorted before he stood up. He wanted to be angry at her, no, he had to be angry at her.. But then those four words came out of her mouth, four words that never meant any good when they came out of a woman's mouth, his woman's mouth.. Oh, fuck.

"So talk.." He mumbled, surprising himself with how calm and collected he sounded when on the inside he was anything but. The only thing that gave away his lacking calm were his fingers, clenching tightly around the bottle's neck he kept from her sight, well hidden behind his hip .. If he'd put more pressure on it, the glass would surely break in his grasp.

There was anger in his voice, but it was more forced then actually anger, he was trying to be angry with her, which she couldn’t blame him for, hell f he had pulled the same crap on her after the shit they had done through in the last four months she would be blow her top, yet here he was stood in front of her forcing himself to be angry at her. She watched him for a moment, her dark eyes wondering over his face, there was a control there that shocked her, yet there was a burning fury behind his eyes, yet there was something else, licking her lips her gaze wondered down his body, to his hand, and she understood. Letting out a breath she moved forward, her body stopping in front of hers, as she lent sideways, fingers wrapping around the bottle. Without another word she stormed into the kitchen and poured the remainder down the sink. “I fucked up ok, I should have waited until you were awake, but seriously” She spun around, dark eyes ablaze as she looked at him,. “Do you really have to turn to the bottle to deal with everything”

She clenched her teeth so hard her jaw hurt, letting out a soft breath she moved into the living room once more, moving to sit down on the couch, with a soft breath she ran a hand through her hair, this wasn’t how she wanted things to go, she didn’t want to sit and yell at him, hell he had every right to be angry at her, but god damn it she was worried about him. It wasn’t the first time she caught him hitting the bottle cus it was easier then talking to her about shit.

Looking up she allowed her body to relax, only just realizing how her words would have come out to him, the dreaded four words no one ever wanted to here from the person they were with. “I love you Jack, and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you” Slowly she ran her hand through her hair, before resting her elbows on her knees. “Ya know I was stupid to ask for normal, I mean come on, we weren’t even normal when we got together” Licking her lips her brow furrowed ever so slightly, “And if I ask for normal im asking you to change, I knew who you were Jack when I got with you, when I said yes to you” Drawing her lower lip between her teeth she looked up at him.

“I havent been coping as well as iv been saying” She finally admitted to him, dark eyes dropping to the floor in front of her, almost ashamed to admit it to him, but it wasn’t about admitting to him she knew, it was about finally admitting to herself, she really wasn’t dealing, and honestly never had.

He thought he had kept the bottle out of her sight well enough, but he was wrong when his eyes traveled down along with hers, down toward the bottle in his tensed hand. She had found it.. In that one moment she leaned in to him, he could feel the all too familiar warmth of her body radiate against the skin of his arm, and in that moment he pretended he hadn't given in and she wasn't so damned close to him because.. The bottle easily slipped from his fingers when she pulled it out of his grasp and his eyes moved back up in time to watch her storm in to the kitchen.

"Yeah, apparently I do. Because some things just don't change no matter how hard we try, huh?" God, he wished he still had that bottle in his hand. Not to drink from it, but to throw it against the nearest wall. He had never felt this fucked before, and now that the alcohol was starting to work in his system, he couldn't exactly say he was helping himself with what was coming out of his mouth.

When she came back in to the living room, he was still standing on the same spot. He hadn't found a reason to move yet, none that didn't involve doing something stupid anyway, well.. more stupid than letting her catch him with that bottle in his hand, or even having grabbed it in the first place, but her words at least had his eyes drift back on to her. His brow furrowed and all the anger he had forced himself to feel just.. left.

"You weren't stupid for asking for normal, I was stupid for saying I couldn't give it to you.." He muttered, wishing he had never said it that day in the first place. He knew he could, if given the time.. but he also knew he did have to change. He had to turn himself around again before he completely turned in to someone he couldn't even recognize himself.

"I know you haven't.." He said softly as he finally moved and bent through his knees in front of her. His hand cupped her chin gently, urging her to look at him instead of the ground. "But if you're ready to start, I'm ready.." He whispered. He hadn't been there for her, not like he really should have been.. He had just pretended everything was ok when he knew it wasn't, for either of them. But he wasn't going to play pretend anymore. They both needed to start dealing in a healthier way, one way or another.

Softly a breath left her lips as his hand lifted her chin, it was a comforting gesture, but she hated what she saw in his eyes, because as much as he, like she herself had, hid his pain and regrets well, he hid those horrible moments, days, that had happened all those months ago. She hid it by pretending everything was okay, when she jumped at every shadow, and every noise, and he had hid it in the bottle, drowning his sorrows until he passed out. Her jaw clenched ever so slightly, maybe if she had paid attention, instead of focusing so damn hard on pretending she was okay that she would have noticed he wasn’t okay, because he wasn’t, and damn it neither was she.

Licking her lips she lifted her hand, resting it against the side of his face, his jaw was slightly rough, obviously he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, letting out a shaky laugh she shook her head. “We both have some facing up to do” She admitted with a small nod of her head, and she was gonna be damned if she allowed this relationship to turn into shit because she was to damn suborn to admit her own fears, and she’d be damned if he didn’t open up to her as well.

Slowly, but with conviction she nodded her head to his question, she was ready. Thanks to Walter she really was. She was ready to face the world and actually live her life like she had never done before. She had a loving family, friends, and this amazing fiancé, she had to stop looking at the past, looking for any small sign that he was going to hurt her, some way or another, she had to let him in, had to let him see her, for her.

“Ill talk, ill open up” She smiled, brushing her fingers through his hair, before gently wrapping it around his neck, and tugging him ever so slightly, signalling that he should get up from his crouched position and actually join her on the sofa. Once he was up with her, she twisted, tucking her legs under her body, and she watched him with a careful eye.

“But you have to as well Jack” Leaning her head against the couch, she looked at him, “I gotta understand why your afraid of that, why your afraid to open up, to me, hell any one” Licking her lips she reached forwards, needing to touch him again, “Cus baby, aint nothing you can say that’s gonna make me walk outta that door”

Jack furrowed his brow at her words. There it was again. She wanted him to open up to her and he had said he would, but.. But he wasn't sure whether she would like what she'd hear when he did. There had been more than one reason why he had started hitting the bottle more and more, it wasn't just her kidnapping, or all the shit that had come after it. No, it had slowly started way before that.. He had been lying to himself, he had been lying to her ever since that day.. He had thought he was doing the right thing, that he was ready for it, but really he hadn't been and still wasn't.. He had just been trying to live up to something, to give her what she wanted and deserved, just not..

"Oh, don't say that.." He muttered, standing up from the couch and away from her touch while he ran both hands through his hair. He kept his back turned to her, not wanting to face her when he finally did.. 'open up'. Damnit, she was making this so much fucking harder. But he had to do it if he could honestly say he loved her. He had to tell her the truth now and be honest before he chickened out.. again.

"Baby, I love you, I do, but.." Oh shit. He had ran after he had asked her to move in with him, and now this.. " I don't think I can do it.. marriage, I mean.." He whispered barely audible, not sure if she even heard it, if he even wanted her to hear it.. If he had never felt like the biggest asshole before, he did now..

"I'm sorry.. I never should've.." He clenched his jaws before he could finish the sentence. He dreaded what he would find when he turned around, but nevertheless he swallowed back his emotions when he moved to finally face her.

When he stood up from the couch, moving away from her she knew something was seriously wrong, Jack only ever moved away from her when there was something he knew she wouldn’t like, and at the moment there were only two things she knew that could come out of mouth that she wouldn’t like. The first being him admitting he had cheated, or that he no longer wanted to be with her, yet she didn’t want, nor could she imagine Jack telling her either of those things. With furrowed brow she fought against the urge to move towards him, he had left the comfort of the couch for a reason, and obviously he didn’t want to be near her.

The words that did fall from his mouth were so quite she almost missed them, hell who the fuck was she kidding she knew damn well what he had said, knew damn well what words had fell from his mouth, but they stung, hard. Clenching her jaw she allowed a shaky breath to fall from her lips, her dark eyes locking on his face as his finally turned around to face her.

She had honestly no idea what to say to him, what the hell could you say when the person who you loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with, tells you they didn’t want it. It was basically like him telling her he didn’t want her, not in the long run.

Lowering her gaze she brought them back to him moments later, a small nod of her head, “How long” She muttered, trying to keep both the tears, and the break in her voice under wraps, “How long have you regretted this Jack” She questioned, all the while trying to keep the hurt and pain at bay. She had come back from the beach feeling free, freer then she had ever felt before, and now everything was falling down around her.

Jack laced his fingers behind his head, tilting his head back while he blew out a big breath. Her question fell hard on him, even harder than he had ever dared it to imagine. He knew what he had said, and he knew how it must have sounded to her. But it wasn't like that.. He was just.. trying to protect her from more hurt, from the disappointment that went along with his name. He had done both so many times before already in the time they had been together, he was surprised she even stayed with him, that she had said.. yes.

"It's not regret, it's just.. look at me, look at us!" He dropped his arms back to his sides, a small tremble setting in to his muscles as he kept everything pushed down. He never allowed himself to do emotions, well.. he did, he did anger, and he did that good. But he wasn't angry, at least not at her..

"Come on, Faye.. You had to bail me out of jail when we first started, I ran off after I asked you to move in with me and I almost got you killed.. And that, that is just a hand full of all the things I've put you through!" He looked at her a moment longer before he closed his eyes and turned his head away. He wanted to comfort her, touch her, tell her that everything was ok.. but really, after what he had just added to that long looong list, he had no right to do any of those things anymore.. and was it even going to be ok? And thus he stayed, standing where he was, the distance between them maybe only two steps, but it might as well have been miles.

Faye lifted pain filled eyes to the man in front of her. Only once before had he been the cause of her pain, she remembered it so well, the deep hollowness she felt when she realized he had taken of, that he had taken of, because of her, because he had asked her to move in with him, and he had ran. For so long she had thought it was something she had done, that she had done something to scare him away, but when he had come back, told her what and why he had gone, she had accepted it, understood it. Yet now, here he was, telling her once again he couldn’t do it.

Swallowing she heaved in a breath, she wanted to force her feet to move, to step towards him, to force him to look at her, beg him to change his mind, but she knew Jack, knew that if he had made his mind up there was no way in the world he was changing it, and there was no way she was changing his mind. Licking her lips she scoffed softly, no matter how much she wanted to go to him she didn’t…couldn’t.

“So where does that leave us Jack?” She whispered softly, she was so afraid of his answer, so afraid that he was going to tell her this was it, that they were no more, he had all but told her they were rubbish together, that no matter what they were filled with horrible things, and horrible things happened around them, and to them. “I mean I came home to tell you that I wanted to make this work, and now your telling me you don’t wanna get married” Shaking her head she dropped her hands loosely down by her side. “Tell me Jack what the hell you want, because I don’t know any more” Her anger had risen, and it was obvious in her words, the last thing she wanted though was for this to turn into a screaming match.

Jack never looked at her after he opened his eyes, not once. He could have only wished the hardest part was over. He had done it with words this time, without disappearing for days on end this time, but her question.. where did it leave them? That was truly the hardest part.. He drew in a long breath before he let it out slowly.

"It leaves us at the end of the road.." He mumbled, drawing his tongue over his lip as his head tilted up before he looked at her. He had to finish this.. without running, without drowning himself in alcohol because he'd rather not feel, or even think at all. "I know that this, is not what I want, and I know I've just been kidding myself, because you and I.. we don't belong together.. We never did." His voice had trailed off in to a whispered by the time he reached the end of his.. truth. He knew it sounded harsh, but it needed to be harsh and it needed to be said. He'd rather be the asshole now than come to a realization when it was already too late.

"I won't blame you if you hate me, and I won't blame you if you never want to see me again.." He mumbled, swallowing while the muscles in his jaws tensed. He should feel.. liberated or something, shouldn't he? Yet he felt anything but, and once more he wished he had never come back to LA, to her.

His words hit her like a ton of bricks, biting the inside of her lip to stop herself from crying she slowly nodded her head, but she didn’t dare turn her gaze onto him, she couldn’t bare bring herself to look at him, she knew the second that she did that would be it and she would loose all composure. Yet it was the words that he spoke after that really got her…they never had, with furrowed eyes she forced her head to turn, to turn her gaze, and water filled gaze onto the man stood in front of her. With a scoff she pushed a hand through her hair. “We never did” She shook her head, brow furrowed as her heart beat rapidly beneath her chest. All the insults she wanted to throw at him just died….what could she say….there really was nothing….Jack had chosen and it was not to fight.

“So it was all a lie” She muttered with a shake of her head, clenching her jaw she heaved in a ragged breath, questions running through her head, wondering how she could have been so stupid yet again, how she couldn’t see what was so obvious in front of her…had he ever loved her? Or had all the words, all the promises just been a bare faced lie, one to make her happy.

Forcing herself to her feet she stepped closer towards him, her hands shook at her side, and she balled them into a fist, forcing herself to remain calm and proposed, “Then why let it come this far” She muttered, lifting her dark gaze to him, forcing him to look at her, “Why fucking come back in the first place” She hissed lowly. With a shake of her head she stepped backwards, being this close, it was just to damn hard, to damn hard.

With a shake of her head she turned away from him, “Ill er, get some of my things now and ill come back when your not here to get the rest” She muttered.

"Faye, you know it wasn't a lie, and you know I'd die for you.." Hell, god knew he had wanted to die at the hospital.. fucking doctors. "Listen to me!" He grabbed her by her arm the moment she threatened to turn away, pulling her back to him. He was not going to let her walk out the door like this, thinking he had never given a damn about her when he had, still did..

"I love you, but I can't and won't be responsible for that frown on your face any longer. I don't want you to look at me with hatred, fear, or whatever in your eyes for the rest of our fucking lives. And don't tell me it's not gonna be like that, because I can already see it.. You don't trust me.. and maybe you shouldn't.." His hand lifted, brushing a strand of her hair from her face while he looked at her the way he had done before all shit had broken lose.. until he seemed to come to his senses, the look disappearing from his eyes when he finally let her arm go. He wasn't making it any easier on himself if he kept pulling her back to him, if he stayed this close to her.

"You're right.. I shouldn't have come back.." He whispered, furrowing his brow while he thickly swallowed his emotions down once more. He hadn't meant to hurt her then, and he hadn't meant to hurt her now.. but it seemed it was all he did, and the more serious it became between them, the more hurt he brought. But he was ending it, and he was ending it now.. Asshole or not.

Swallowing his hand wrapped around her arm, yanking her back to him, her dark eyes still misted with tears and her brow furrowed as she watched him, her head tilting to the side as she heaved in a trembling breath, her jaw set in stone, she’d be damned if she let his words get to her, if she allowed them to hurt her and make her weak. It was his eyes though, they were deep, filled with love, just the way they had always been when he had looked at her. Clenching her jaw tighter she stepped back just as his hand dropped, realizing her own were trembling at her side.

“So you get to make the choice for me” Licking her lips she bit the inside of her lip she glared at him, her dark eyes burning with pain. “What’s this all about Jack huh, the fact every time I look at you I remember what happened” Titling her head she stepped slightly closer, finger jabbing into his chest.

“Or is it because every time you look at me you see our fuck up…huh” Shaking her head she scoffed and let out a trembling breath, all the anger left in that one simple moment, she stood, defeated in front of him, a lone tear fell from her eye as she realized this was it, there was no turning back, he had made up his mind. She should have known there was no going back, that eventually it would have come to this.

"This might sound strange to you now, but I don't want you to start hating me. So yes, I do get to make that choice.." Whether it was, or even felt like the right one was a different story.. but it simply just had to be, because he had made up his mind. He had put tears in her eyes far too many times already, and this, this would be the last time he had if he could help it. He just wasn't worth it, all the pain..

He flinched slightly every time her finger jabbed in his chest. It hurt, though it hurt more mentally than it did physically.. but her words were the worst as he grabbed a hold of her hand before she could jab at him again.

"Our fuck up? It's my fuck up, it's always my fuck up. Can you honestly say we are still the same? You and me?.. Huh?" He let go of her hand, moving so his thumb could catch the tear rolling down her cheek before he cupped her face with both hands to have her look up at him. His thumb continued to caress her skin softly as he rested his forehead against hers, expecting her to pull away any second now that he was so close. He didn't care..

"When's the last time I've seen you smile, huh?" He whispered, keeping his voice from sounding the way he felt on the inside, broken, messed up, and all the other pretty things he had tried to kill with alcohol, or any other mind and heart numbing substances he could find.

Faye furrowed her brow as his hand wrapped around hers, stopping he from jabbing him hard in the chest once more, it had been making her feel better, which was an odd thing in itself because she honestly didn’t think she would feel better again, not since he had spoken those words, she had come home wanting to sort things, to finally open up so she could move forward and he, he had ended it, just like that.

The tear slid down her cheek before she was even aware of what was happening, yet it was his thumb, lifting and almost delicately, and tenderly catching her tears that shocked her the most, his large hands cupping her chin, forcing her gaze to his face, and his forehead resting against hers. She swallowed down the lump, her brow furrowing even more, he was saying one thing, yet his actions, they were all speaking another, they were confusing her, and her emotions were already on high, she didn’t know if she could keep riding the roller coaster.

Her eyes drifted closed and her jaw clenched, her hands lifting to rest on top of his, before her own rested against the side of his cheek, smoothing up through his hair, where she rested them on the back of his head, “Probably the last time I didn’t see you with a bottle hidden somewhere” She scoffed, shaking her head, “You think I don’t know huh, that I didn’t notice, I may not have been coping Jack but neither are you”

She forced herself to pull away, to force some distance between them, every fibre in her body was telling her not to, to stay close to him, to kiss him, to do something, beg him to stay, but she wouldn’t allow herself to listen, she wasn’t going to torture herself, “I came home wanting to make this work, to deal and move on Jack” Licking her lips she shook her head, “And your telling me its over”

His own eyes closed when her hands brushed through his hair, thankful she wasn't pushing away from him. Like this her closeness made him hesitate, she made him want to rewind this whole conversation, and take back everything he said..until he heard her words, reminding him he was the reason he never saw her smile again. She was right, he wasn't coping.. He had pretended to be, he had lied to himself and to her, and in the process he fucked up everything he loved and cared about.

His hands slipped from her when she pulled away, his brow furrowing as he watched the distance between them grow once more. He didn't want to see that distance grow, he didn't want to let go of her and not feel her against him anymore.. but he had to force himself to do it, he had to force himself to stay standing where he was.

"I'm telling you it's over because you deserve better than me! How many times do I need to fuck up with you before you realize that?.. Until it's too late?" Fuck, he sounded like he had done it all on purpose because he just didn't care.. His hand raised to touch her, taking only one step forward before he stopped himself. He was making it harder on himself, and probably her if he didn't keep the distance.

"It's just that.. Fuck, I don't know anymore.." He sat down on the coffee table, leaning his elbows on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair and over his face before he looked up at her once more. "I just know that I do love you, but.. I don't think we'll ever be able to really make us work.."

Faye scoffed as she shook her head, dark eyes locked onto the man in front of her, the man she loved, who she had thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with, and now he was telling her he couldn’t do it, couldn’t do them any more. Shaking her head she locked her jaw as she turned her gaze away from him, his words making her seethe with anger. “You don’t get to fucking decide that Jack” She snapped, her dark eyes blazing with anger as she turned dark eyes back to his face once more. “We all fuck up…you accept it and move on” She hissed, she couldn’t believe here they were, months down the line, gone so simply from happy to this….this deep pain that just wouldn’t go away.

Heaving in a breath she watched him move to sit down on the coffee table, her eyes burned with tears and anger as she watched him, his words forced her to look up, forcing away the tears. “So you fight Jack” She shook her head, swallowing thickly “You don’t just run away when things get tough”

Licking her lips she let out a soft breath, but she realized he really probably was right, love was everything, but the pair of them they were so different, and she was broken, and she doubted even Jack could fix her, she had pushed him away so far in the last three months and now she was dealing with the consequences.

Running a trembling hand through her hair she hesitated half wanting to lean in front of him, she could see the pain in his eyes, the hesitation in his movements, the tone of his voice, yet she didn’t want to, they were both hurting, and the more they pulled the easier it was to let this happen. “So just like that” She turned her dark gaze to him, “We just turn our backs on everything we’ve been through” Tilting her head she finally worked the courage and dropped down in front of him, her hands moved, resting against his legs, before moving to capture his hands. “You think ending this, ending us, is going to change anything….you think its gonna make me better, that its gonna erase anything” She questioned, her dark eyes lifting to him. “It wont”

"Have you accepted it and moved on, Faye?! Haven't I fought?!" Or hadn't he fought enough..? His brow furrowed while his eyes drifted down toward her touch. He couldn't look at her any longer, wondering whether he had, or hadn't. He had tried talking, and he had tried leaving her alone, but no matter what he did, she just seem to keep drifting further away from him.

He let out a long breath while he kept his attention on their hands instead of her, his fingers slowly curling and lacing themselves with hers. It was an easy and simple connection, but it made it all the harder while he listened to her. He was fighting the urge to pull her up and on to his lap, to kiss her like it was the last time.. when he knew the last time had already passed.

"It will.." He nodded softly before he finally looked up at her, his eyes darting between hers. "Maybe not right away, but eventually it will.." He smiled briefly at her without conveying the emotion it was meant for. Happy right..? Wrong.. He had done something he never thought he would, ask the girl he loved to marry him.. and now he had gone and destroyed it, her, them.. He was anything but happy.

His expression changed the longer he looked at her, from broken down and messed up to something else. His hands gripped just a little tighter around hers as he pulled her in to his lap, one hand lifting away from hers so he could brush it through her hair, pull her closer.. and no longer did he fight better judgment when he pressed his lips against hers. It was a desperate move, and maybe even a little pathetic, but he had just told her he didn't want her to spent the rest of her life with him.. He needed these few more seconds or whatever she gave him for the long road he had paved ahead of himself. Way to make it easier on himself..

Like this she could almost forget that he had just told her it was over, she could pretend they were fine, that the last three months hadn’t happened, that it hadn’t torn them apart. Things like that were meant to make you stronger it had don nothing but tear them apart. Resurfacing memories for her that she never wanted to remember, feel things she had sworn she never wanted to feel again.

His gaze finally met hers and this time it was her who turned them away, she couldn’t bare looking at him, she knew what he was thinking even though he was trying not to show it, and it was making all of this so harder. Slowly she shook her head, bringing her gaze back towards him, “No Jack….you think pushing me away, calling it quits is gonna change anything, that the things that make me push you away are just gonna go”

A soft sigh fell from her lips as his hands tightened around her fingers and she went willingly, her body pressing tightly against his as she situated herself on his lap, her fingers lifting, smoothing through his hair, holding him there, to her.

Better judgment hit her fast and she pulled away, fingers dropping from his neck and one hand lifted, pressing against her lips, dark eyes dropping, eyes closed, squeezed shut to stop the rush of emotions. “Don’t” She whispered, voice hoarse from the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her.

Her jaw clenched and she swallowed, her eyes opening finally, dark eyes locked onto his clear gaze, “I walk out that door Jack there’s no turning back” She stated softly, this was it, his last chance to change his mind, to rewind the last moments, and for this conversation to go the way she had intended it to.

(Lol, what last chance for Jack to change his mind?!)

Jack drew his tongue over his lip, tasting her there as his brow furrowed when she pulled away. 'Don't'.. now that had been easier said than done. He hadn't meant to allow himself to give in to his urges, and he hadn't meant to let himself get that far, but at least he had gotten something..even if it had only been a few seconds. No matter what though, it was over, they were over.. He couldn't take his words back even if he tried, and he couldn't take back what had happened in the past months.. He couldn't fix it, nor could he fix them.

"So walk out that door.." He whispered, not sure she heard or if he even wanted her to hear as he swallowed down his emotions. It sounded cold and definite, but what could he say? 'Please stay.', 'Don't go.', 'Wait until my next fuck-up.'? No.. He wasn't going to cling any longer to pathetic denial, or pretend she still loved him enough to forget all that had happened because of.. him.

"Hate me, forget me.. I don't care, just.." He stopped himself before his voice had a chance to crack. Oh man, did he care.. He could lie to her, but he couldn't lie to himself, not about that. The muscles in his jaws tensed, straightening his expression out as he looked at her. He could do it.. He could pretend he didn't love her.